Have you heard of the method of active listening to educate children? It is the best way to address each other within the family. There is a lot of talk about this technique (that if you have to get on the same level as the children to speak to them, that if you have to watch the language ...), however, it is not possible to delve into the bases on which it should be based to it really works. Next, we delve into the method of active listening.
Communication within the family nucleus it is the most effective way to satisfy the needs of all the members that form it. The main responsible for defining how family communication will be are the parents. How these are coordinated will determine how children learn to be excited and to relate to others. Thanks to this communicative coherence, within the family the following will be configured:
- The way to face the difficulties of the day to day.
- The different ways of thinking.
- You learn to negotiate, accept and respect the point of view of others.
For it to exist positive communication within the family nucleus It is important to stay away from aggressive styles that use yelling or offending as a means of satisfying wants and needs. It will also be necessary to stay away from communicative 'passivity' where silence reigns as a response.
Instead, parents need to coordinate around assertive communication where the rights of all interlocutors are respected and thus meet the needs of all. In this way it will be possible to strengthen the emotional ties between parents and children.
Listening will be the best way to connect with the other and thus create a healthy and fluid interaction with the other members of the family nucleus.
Assertiveness has that important factor in communication. But listening to the other does not only imply hearing the words that the other says. It is something more complex. Listening must be active and requires great effort. This means being attentive to verbal and non-verbal communication (much more important to understanding the message). That is, you must pay attention to the words that the other person says and, in addition, you must pay attention to the gestures, the expression of the face, the tone of voice, etc.
Thus, thanks to active listening we can reach the whole message: what the other says, feelings, ideas and their thoughts (but not expressed in words). This type of listening is the door that allows parents to connect with the sensitivity and emotions of their children. In this way, the little ones are helped to achieve the confidence, security and self-esteem necessary for a positive evolutionary development to take place.
In order for active listening to be carried out effectively, you should consider the following tips and techniques. This is all you should always avoid.
We must wait for the other to finish speaking. If the other needs to express what is happening to him, we have to avoid telling 'our story' without letting him finish.
When we communicate, attention decreases in the 'knot' of the conversation. In the beginning and the end it remains high. Well, we must make efforts to maintain the same level of attention in the different parts of the conversation.
3. Avoid expressions
For example, 'calm down, surely nothing happens'.
4. Be a 'home psychologist'
Avoid giving solutions and answers to the other by solving everything that happens without having listened to the entire conversation.
If what the child says is judged, we move away from a learning model that allows him to be tolerant of the opinion of others. Therefore, we must accept what he tells us even without agreeing. To encourage tolerance, assertiveness or even learn to admit mistakes and not get frustrated.
6. Reproach everything you say
It would be better not to blame him that we do not like what he is telling, or to give sermons to correct his thinking. This only drives him further away.
For positive family communication to take place, it is important to get away from the attitudes described above. Once we have achieved it, it will be important to follow some guidelines to facilitate active listening. Between them:
7. Make eye contact
It will be important to look into the eyes of the speaker. If your child needs you to listen to him, it would be better for you to crouch down and get at his height to be able to notice his expression.
8. Learn to recognize your non-verbal language
What do the gestures he makes, his expressions, his posture when speaking, etc.
9. Serves as a mirror
Nod your head so they know you're listening. You can also paraphrase what he is saying and thus, in addition to letting the child know that you are listening, you can verify if you understand the message.
10. Use your own non-verbal language
It is just as important to be attentive to the non-verbal language that the child uses as it is to use your own.
Smile, make gestures, the posture we use when listening, etc. they will be very important signals for the child while talking.
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