Whenever I write articles I do it from the point of view of the educational psychologist. Today, on the other hand, I am going to change my prism. I'll do it from a totally new perspective for me: being a parent. I want to share with you the path of hope that I have started a few months ago and that has now led me to celebrate what will be My first father's day.
It's been a month since our daughter has been with us and, yes, our lives have changed. His arrival has meant adjusting our usual routines (be careful, do not lose them), and something has also changed the way we see ourselves and live life.
The arrival of a new member home has brought uncertainty, doubts, changes, inaccuracies, etc. Also, it is true what they say: children do not come with instruction book. In my case, I am lucky. Thanks to my profession and having worked for almost 10 years in a nursery school, I am not caught by new things such as: diaper changes, the different tones that she uses when she cries, etc.
The experience gained is appreciated. But still this does not exempt me from having insecurities.The only thing that is clear to me is that I will choose to put aside doubts to focus all my effort on caring for and educating my daughter to the best of my ability and knowledge.
As a future father, apart from being emotional support during pregnancy, I tried to strictly follow the 'manual to be a good companion for the mother'. I aspired to do everything that they advise us, or that I have ever advised in any of my posts. Among all the things he intended to do were:
1. Accompany my partner to medical check-ups
I went to each and every ultrasound to see the baby. I have to say that it was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life and very positive.
2. Find information
Thanks to all the searches I have done during pregnancy and now I can become a founding partner of Google. It has been a basic tool for exploration in search of information about what is happening during the child's development. As I was telling you, I am lucky to know a lot of things thanks to my profession, but the insecurities are still there and I am not a 'todologist' either.
3. Make the preparations
This one has been fun too. To start shopping for clothes. Have you seen the outfits that are now for babies and young children? It's crazy. In less than a month my daughter has been dressed as Supergirl, Batgirl and Wondergirl in the superheroines section; with tutu, in princess mode; rompers, the most comfortable to sleep on; and a long etcetera that, if you're lucky, will fit more than 2 weeks.
4. Assembling the crib
Another of the sections of the preparations and that deserves a point and apart was the assembly of the crib. To put you in a situation I have to tell you that in my house the rule that the plugs are fixed by the boy is not followed. That micro machismo, as it is called, has now not 'crossed the door' of our house. When I saw the assembly instructions I got feverish and I thought very seriously that the girl could sleep in our bed all her life rather than get into the work that looked like the assembly of a tremendous hulk.
The day I got ready to assemble the crib, I got up earlier than when I go to work, in case things dragged on and I had to ask for reinforcements, and to my amazement I got it in 1 hour and a half. You can imagine how my ego was inflated and my self-esteem rose. That day I was able to give DIY tips and it even crossed my mind to buy a toolbox.
5. Accompany the prepartum classes
Okay, not everything was going to be perfect. Here I deflated. And that I tried. I asked for the afternoon off and in the first class I accompanied my partner. The class was packed, so much so that I had to sit on the floor (after 2 1/2 hours I had to use the crib instructions to rebuild my back).
Call me insensitive but during all that time I did not hear anything that my common sense did not already know. I only made it clear that a birth plan had to be made, that giving birth was like an orgasm and that no 'intrusive' technique was used in the hospital. In the next class, my partner went without me and I kept working.
And the day arrived. Well almost. It all started on a Tuesday at noon, and I was working. When they called me, I showed up at the hospital. After 2 hours there they told us to go home that had not been delayed yet and to come back in a while.
We came back, of course, the contractions were so painful for my partner that they hurt even me. Nine hours after everything started they already admitted us. Blessed epidural that calmed all the pains of the mother... and by somatization of the father. Everything was getting so long that the effect of the epidural wore off and at that moment the labor began.
I remember they told me: 'be careful that do not use intrusive techniques'. Well, I saw them in all colors: It already started with the Hamilton maneuver 2 days before, it continued with the artificial rupture of the bag and ended with the Kristeller maneuver. The latter I no longer saw because I could not be inside.
In summary, the 'birth plan' in our case was not very useful. Going with a preconceived idea is not advisable. Everything came suddenly and in the situation of tension, seeing how your partner suffers, in the end you just have to let the professionals do it and put yourself in their hands. Doing the opposite from my point of view only hinders. It all ended with a healthy girl and a recovered mother. The father at that time is a mere observer who helps when they tell him as much as he can.
Of all this there is only one truth. When your daughter is in her mother's arms and then yours, all of the above is completely forgotten. And so, When they ask you what it's like to be a father, you answer: it's very nice.
What an illusion and what responsibility. What I have clear to carry out this new role is that I will do it following my reason. Choose to pay attention to what they tell us or not, but with the certainty that we are the ones who decide.
I'm not going to discover anything new talking about the interference and the ability to advise and give an opinion that the whole environment acquires. It's like living on Twitter but in reality itself, where all have the absolute truth.
But among all the advice they have given me, the winner is: 'Don't take her in your arms because you get used to her badly'. And I wonder where the girl will be better than in the warmth of her mother or father.
I understand that it will be better to hold her and cuddle her now than when she is 17 years old, in the heyday of adolescence. I remind you that my back after the antepartum courses has not been the same again, so imagine when I turn 52 ...
And if it wasn't all pretty and exciting, besides I am going to celebrate Father's Day for the first time. Hey! Do not be wrongly thought that it is not because of the gifts ... What I will really celebrate will be the first of many days remembering that one of the most beautiful things that can happen to you is taking care of your daughter.
But, don't doubt that I am also delighted by the idea that once I celebrate Father's Day I will be able to proudly fulfill that great Spanish expression that says: 'when you are a father you will eat eggs'.
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