Being overprotective with children it is a way of slowing down their development and growth, and also a way of preventing them from acquiring for themselves the vital tools to go out into the outside world and fend for themselves.
Many parents, among whom I am, overprotect our children from birth, although in our defense I will say that we do it unconsciously and because we "think" that it is the best for them. We are not doing well at all, we know, but how can we change this behavior?
After eight years of experience in the motherhood world, I have been aware that I have to let go and stop being constantly overprotecting my daughters. And it is that the overprotective style that I exercise with both is harmful for them, but also for me, because I feel that something is failing. Does something similar happen to you too?
If so, today he wants to ask you a favor: take some time this morning, this afternoon or tonight to think about your place and your role as a father and mother and what things you are perhaps doing that can make you not accompany your child . Do you constantly limit him? Do you help him with everything to prevent him from making a mistake? Is it difficult for you to pronounce the word 'No'? Welcome to the club for overprotective parents!
Why do we maintain this behavior with our children? In my case, it is clear to me. In the first place, my parents have been and, to this day, continue to be very overprotective people, and I, unconsciously, have taken this model of education as my own and have transmitted it to my daughters. Of course, it is in my hands not to allow another generation to pass.
And, on the other hand, "remorse of conscience" or what some classify as "comfort". The lack of work-life balance in today's society means that many times when I get home I try to take advantage of all the lost time and, in order not to argue, carry out actions such as writing to school moms whatsapp group to ask what my daughter's duties are for the day, because she forgot to write it down.
We make decisions for them and resolve their conflicts without realizing that this attitude has very negative consequences. Have you stopped to think about them?
- Self-esteem problems
As they grow older, their confidence and belief in themselves diminish. The child is unable to do things by himself because he is used to having his father or mother do everything to him all the time.
- They get frustrated easily
As they do not know how to do things themselves, when they face a situation alone and it does not turn out as they thought or, rather, they wanted, they get angry and frustrated. It is difficult to make them see reason!
- Social problems
They are usually insecure people, which makes it difficult for them to interact with other colleagues or try to enter a group.
As I imagine that no parent wants this for their children, here are some tips that I encourage you to put into practice to raising happy children and competent adults. They are working for me!
1. Let him be wrong
The next time he has to do his homework, provide him with everything he needs for it (a quiet and well-lit place, water ...), but do not rush to the slightest doubt or query that arises. He has to make an effort so that he can solve the problem by himself.
2. Teach him to be responsible for his health and care
Let the child become aware of what his obligations are at home. For example, you cannot leave the house without having breakfast or before going to bed you must brush your teeth. They will be small steps that you will take together so that they can be 100% responsible for their affairs.
3. Don't hit your fears
A very common mistake that many parents make is to infect our children with our fears. For example, we don't let them ride their bikes because "we are afraid that they will fall." But it's your fear not his, and here we have to be very careful.
4. Listen and respect their decisions
There will be many that you do not like, but we must respect what the child thinks and wants to do (with clear limits). It will be a way that, little by little, it will be more autonomous.
5. Encourage them
When we see that the child loses interest in something, for example attending an after-school activity, we must encourage him to keep going. Reinforce what you have achieved to date so that you fight for it and do not abandon the first change.
My oldest daughter is now almost eight years old. Perhaps to date he has done things wrong, but we are always on time to rectify.
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