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When the adopted child has experienced a traumatic event

When the adopted child has experienced a traumatic event


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When a child is given up for adoption it is because things have not gone well and there is a family that has not been able to take care of him. This fact has to make you think that the origins of the child are not ideal and that it is very likely that they have experienced a traumatic event beyond the adoption that, in itself, is a traumatic event.

But, apart from adoption, it is easy for the child to have experienced other traumatic events: poor care, mistreatment, abuse of all kinds, that he has lived in areas where there have been catastrophes, wars, that he has seen his relatives die in a abruptly, that they have forcibly separated him from his family ... All this leads to a series of losses and wounds that the child often does not understand and therefore does not know how to manage and / or communicate but which are manifested in behaviors full of anger, rage, nightmares ... that parents do not understand.

In an adoption, the child is a victim. Being adopted is not fortunate, or yes, but within an unfortunate situation. No child likes to be adopted. A child likes to be normal. Having a mother and father, living in a house, being loved ... If they had allowed him to choose, he would surely have preferred to have been born directly into a family that offered him all that from the beginning. Here are some tips to try to handle this situation as well as possible:

1. Recognize the reality of your child. Assume that he comes from an already difficult situation and accept him unconditionally.

2. Remind him continuously that you are there, that you love him,… Reinforces the bond and his security in your relationship and in himself.

3. Do not try to know more than necessary, do not pressure him to tell you things or judge them because he will feel attacked and will close in band. The child will share his experiences as he feels comfortable and you just have to listen.

4. Seeks to normalize their situation: Make him understand that there are many children who go through difficult situations, that there are many circumstances and that he was not to blame for anything that happened to him.

5. Be patient: learn to observe, to read between the lines and to detect needs.

6. Be discreet and don't try to justify. Sometimes, you may feel overwhelmed by the reality of the child and you may have the need to talk about your child's story because he is judged very harshly without knowing, but that does not correspond to you. It is difficult to shut up when faced with certain comments but it is the privacy of your child, it is their experiences and nobody really cares. In any case, he will have to be the one to tell it when he considers it.

7. Ask a professional for help to guide you as a parent on how to face the child's reality. Sometimes we think that we have to take the child to see a professional but they are not always prepared or know what these kinds of things consist of. Many times, through direct parent-therapist work, indirect changes are achieved in the child that are more effective and less abrupt.

You can read more articles similar to When the adopted child has experienced a traumatic event, in the On-site Adoption category.


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