There comes a time in life when you think you want to be a mom or dad and you have to share that desire with your partner. As with any important decision: formalize the relationship, introduce the families, live together, get married.
There is a bit of fear of proposing it, of being rejected, of not being at the same point and that our story will not go forward because neither of you are willing to give in. This is also the case with the approach to adopt.
When one member of the couple wants a child and the other doesn't, one of the most tense and stressful situations possible occurs in a relationship. It is easy for you to feel the need to be a mom or dad as something very instinctive and essential to feel complete or fulfilled as a person in many cases. However, if one feels this way but the other doesn't, you have to set goals and priorities. Am I willing to give up your desire to become a parent? Am I willing to be a father or mother even if I don't want to? How is this decision going to affect our relationship?
In the case of adoptions, the approach is the same but somewhat more complex since ideas, beliefs, myths ... about what these processes are like and how they affect families come into play, which generate many doubts.
If you are clear that you want to be a father, you have to be honest with yourself and ask yourself some questions:
1. Does my partner also want to be a mother or father?
- Yes, you want to be a mother or father: perfect, now you have to think about how you are going to be parents
- No, he does not want to be a mother or father: then you have to consider if you want to continue with the relationship by giving up your maternity or paternity, or you fight for the latter in exchange for the consequences it may have for the couple.
2. Do we want to adopt both?
- Yes. Well, then you just have to go and find out about the procedures involved and start the processes convinced.
- No. Here the options are the same as before: I choose to continue with my idea no matter what happens, even if it is alone or I resign in favor of the couple.
You can never force a person who does not want to be a parent to be, or to adopt if you are not convinced of it. It is your right to choose and you must have all the freedom in the world to do so, and even if it does not coincide with your wishes, you must respect it. That is a maxim that cannot be argued for several reasons:
1. It is not fair to the child who arrives, the one who is not desired by his father or mother.
2. If you do something that you do not believe in, you will not get involved and then it is difficult for things to be successful.
3. Things that are done in a forced way or to please the partner often take their toll and turn against in the form of reproach when there are difficulties.
4. Being a father is a fundamental decision in life after which there is no turning back, so one must be fully convinced.
You have to have all these points clear because being a parent is not an easy task and you should know that adoptions are more complex processes because of all the things that you are going to ignore about your child, therefore, being both in agreement and convinced of the step is essential for the experience to be a success.
You can read more articles similar to What to do if I want to adopt but my partner doesn't, in the On-site Adoption category.